her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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