Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
