I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
