I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
