Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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