I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
