the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
