So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
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