drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize