i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
