I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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