I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize