it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
