Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
