There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
