i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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