She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize