on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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