Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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