I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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