I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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