the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
