so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
