I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize