You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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