The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
