yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
