Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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