he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize