She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
