New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just tell him i said nine months
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
