Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize