...so i touched it.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
