you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
