If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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