dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
