fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize