I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
