if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
