oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I could make wine with my vomit
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
