Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
