i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
