I can text with my tongue
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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