i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
