All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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