Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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