Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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