Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
