my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
