He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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