We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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