Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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