Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
