you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're so nebulous sometimes
Apparently you make a good broom.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize