I feel like abortions should bother me more
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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