My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
