this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
