It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
