Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize