The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
