I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize