i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
