He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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