you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
