I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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