i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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