but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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