my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
