hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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