Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
