I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
