Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
