sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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